• Gravity Magazine

Independent Girls Guide to Relationships

By: Treasure Wilson

As “Hot Girl Summer” approaches, and yet another year passes without a valentine… many are left wondering when is it my time? An independent girl or guy stands strongly by the saying, “I don’t need a man.” Which is true! You don’t need a man to get you what you want, care for, or provide for you. But wouldn’t it be nice? Sometimes being TOO independent gets in the way of potential relationships. And these five points may be exactly why you may be lacking in this department.

1. You don’t text back. Now I know many of us are guilty. You may get caught up doing an assignment, or you’re busy, and you genuinely forget to text somebody back. That is okay! But if you find yourself never texting this person back, shying away, and not making time… you may not be as interested as you think. Now I know texting isn’t for everybody, and you could suggest facetime… but if the conversation isn’t going, you can’t force it. And in due time, you will see they are not the one. My advice: rip the band-aid and let it go. This leaves room for a toxic, non-texting, but “hopeful” relationship. There is no time for that.

2. You constantly find yourself saying, “I hate men,” “These Boy’s aren’t It,” or anything similar to those phrases. Now I know people are frustrating. We’ve all been there. But the more you say something, you believe it. These phrases automatically set you up for disappointment. It’s okay to express emotion and let out your anger but moving forward is only more difficult because we solidify our thoughts. With that mindset, you’ll really dig a deeper hole.

3. You’re constantly seeking a relationship. The truth is the more you look for something, the less you can find it. True love and relationships honestly come when you least expect them. Be the independent person you are, stick to your goals and dreams, and the right person will come. The waiting game is long, but it will be worth it in the end.

4. You don’t allow yourself to be spoiled. Do you ever find yourself turning people away when they want to care of you? Do you find yourself denying dates and outings? This specific point is for you. Everyone knows you got it on your own but allow other people to treat you. It’s okay to let someone treat you, and this behavior should be encouraged.

5. You make excuses for their behavior. If they wanted to, they would. Someone will put in the effort for you if they truly want you. If they continue making excuses, not doing small things you ask, and keep you guessing, they are not the one. Many tend to make excuses for unacceptable behavior and believe they can change a person. That is possible, but most of the time, people act how they will. When true colors are shown… you believe it. And sometimes, it’s better to know this upfront rather than waste your time with someone who shows you mixed signals.

All in all, the “ talking stage” and relationships can be stressful. As the years go on, our society moves farther away from normal dating practices. The most important thing is that you dim your shine. You should never feel like you have to minimize your qualities and who you are for another person. You know what you want and can name every quality that is important to you. Besides knowing what you want in another person, you can bring those same qualities to the table. Stay on your grind, reach your goals, and stay focused this year. You will be treated well in the end.

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